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  MEG
 

Hi, my name is Meg, and I'm an alcoholic. I grew up in a drinking family. My mother and father both drank. Fights and yelling were common. I started drinking when I was fifteen. A group of girls and I were at a friend's house where we split a bottle of cheap wine. We felt as if we were "grown up" because we were drinking. Her mom asked what we were doing and seemed okay about it. Our group drank at her house again because it was all right. Of course, I didn't tell my mother. I drank during high school, but not too often. I did find that I drank more than the others and that they would then take care of me. My brother, seven years younger than I, drank a lot more than I did. He was always getting into trouble with the police. He would fight with my parents, especially when we were all drinking. it seemed as if I was always watching someone else's drinking.
  I met my husband in high school. Even before we married there were drinking episodes where we had fights. One time coming home from a dance Jim got "smart" with a cab driver. The cabbie warned me not to go out with this man because he was trouble. We drank, and he drank more than I, because I was usually pregnant. I had six kids in seven years. Jim would get into trouble with drinking and fights. Jim and I would fight and make up. It was the only way of life we knew. Occasionally, I would get drunk, but I mostly just kept track of his drinking.
  My drinking became a problem when my youngest child went to first grade. I felt that now I could really have some fun. I began to drink every night. We became friendly with the neighbors and there were a lot of parties, especially in the summertime. I felt that I was a good mother if I got up in the morning with the kids before they went to school. I would get up and navigate to the couch, even though I may have been up drinking until two or three in the morning. One time I was still on that couch when they came home from school. I heard the kids talking and one said, "You know I prayed for her today". I tried drinking only on Saturdays for awhile, and I tried drinking just beer or wine. I didn't stop drinking, but I wanted to not feel as if I were a bad person. I didn't want the pressure of all the kids, and actually because of the responsibility, I did want to get drunk. I thought that I was functioning, and I was functioning to a degree. My husband and I were fighting often, and I felt the better person because I wasn't sitting in the tavern. At home, drunk, I wasn't too much help to my kids either, but I didn't know that then.
  Using tranquilizers, given to my husband to help him with the shakes which were from a hangover, I overdosed. I called my sister, and she asked me to tell Jim. When I told her that we were not speaking and that he would not listen to me, she asked me to get my daughter. I locked myself in the bathroom, but my daughter and husband then broke down the door. I was taken to the hospital by ambulance where my stomach was pumped, and I had to see a psychiatrist. I told him that it was just a mistake, and he believe me. The psychiatrist claimed that he himself drank more than I did. I felt okay because he didn't seem concerned. He did suggest that I call AA thinking they might have something to offer me.
  Over the next four months my drinking continued to get worse. I called a woman at a substance abuse center to talk to her about my husband's drinking. I wanted her to help me straighten him out. She insisted that I come and see her the following day. I fixed myself up and thought that I looked good. The woman took one look at me and said, "Oh my God!" I told her all about my husband, and she repeated, "Oh my God, two in the same house. I really feel sorry for those kids." It hit me like a ton of bricks. This is when I knew how sick I was. No one other than my husband had ever said anything to me about my drinking. She told me that I needed to get myself into a hospital. I told her that I would think about it for a couple of days. I didn't know how I could leave my kids. My sister, who had driven me that day volunteered to help. She kept saying, "Meg, do it." She could see that I needed help.
  My husband begged me not to go. For the next few days I felt miserable. It was awful; I didn't know that I was detoxing. The pain was so bad that I would cry. It felt as if there were a knife in my stomach, and I wanted to kill myself but couldn't do that to the kids. I knew that the hospital was my only chance, and on Monday I called the woman back for help. Within hours it was set up that I could go the next day. My sister and her husband drove me to the rehab; my husband had wanted to take me, but I feared that he would try to stop me. It was difficult to leave the kids.
  During the twenty-eight day program, I told the staff about my husband and his drinking. They knew that it would be hard, and suggested that I get a sponsor to help me. The woman from the center, who had helped me before, arranged for me to meet a possible sponsor. Mary called me at the hospital, and we talked about her situation which was similar to mine. She agreed to be my sponsor and told me that I would be all right. Mary promised to take me to AA meetings when I left the hospital. I didn't want to leave because it was such a safe place. The day that I came home my mother-in-law died. I was nervous because all of the out of town, drinking relatives would be coming. I kept in close contact with my sponsor and made it through. The night of the funeral Mary took me to an AA meeting.
  The AA program is marvelous. I listened and learned. I was afraid, terrified, that I might drink again. My sponsor and Higher Power have helped me. Anytime I had any concern, Mary would tell me to pray, and I did, and it worked. I have gone to meetings since then and work the steps. After I was on the program five months, Jim quit drinking too. We worked on our marriage, and I like to think that we are a success story. We have problems, but we work them out together.
  After six years on the program, I was able to start working with others, talking at open meetings, and volunteering. It took me that long to find out about me and how I operate. My sponsor taught me how to work with people and how to do twelve step calls. I thank God for her because she was so instrumental in helping me keep sober, a good model. Mary had nine years sobriety when I met her. I protect my sobriety with every fiber of my being. I have to work the steps to the best of my ability every day. I don't isolate, as I did drinking; I talk to people every day. The program is important and means everything to me. This is my life. I keep learning about myself and trying to change what I don't like. That's where I am today - SOBER! Thanks.