Back to home page Back to other stories   SAM   Hi, I'm Sam, and I'm an alcoholic. I was born in the Midwest. My mother was a single parent. She was still in college, working, and raising me. I think that we needed a lot of help, and so we moved around.   When I was seven, we packed everything and moved to Texas. At first I felt very out of place because I didn't talk like everyone else. I quickly made friends and became involved in Girl Scouts, gymnastics, and school. I worked hard for good grades. From Texas we moved to Virginia. I became very lonely particularly because we moved in the middle of the school year. I knew again that I was not like everyone, more developed, and still talked differently. So, I began acting like I was tough. I made only one friend that year. I was miserable and would come home from school everyday and cry. This was also when my mother married my stepfather.     Although I had been good friends with my stepfather, I began having problems with him soon after the marriage. I went away that summer to visit friends in Texas, and when I returned, my parents had moved to Maryland. At first it was fine there, because, since I was so developed for my age, all the boys came running. When the boys stopped hanging around, I had nobody. I was ten years old and the only kids that I could find to hang out with were about six or seven. After school I started walking the neighbor's dog, and I would drink their alcohol. I discovered what it was like to drink. I started out slow, but as soon as I would have a bad day at school, I would be there drinking.    In my seventh grade yearbook picture, I look like a normal kid, but I can see how miserable I was. I started hanging out with the wrong crowd. They were twelve years old and already sleeping around and doing drugs. I thought that this was normal and that I was cool. I shaved my head on one side and kept the hair on the other side long. I failed classes and was always being grounded for something. Even when I was grounded, I was able to walk the neighbor's dog. I started drinking everyday after school and eventually at school as well. I was suspended from school for drinking with my boyfriend at a school dance. It seemed as if everybody was mad at me all the time. I started drinking in the morning just to face it all.    Everyone knew that I was messed up. My parents had me see a psychiatrist, and there were a lot of family conferences at school. I still thought that I was normal. On the same day that my boyfriend broke up with me, I learned that an old friend of mine had died from drugs. My life went crazy, and I felt suicidal. I carved things into my body, but most of all I drank. I was drunk for the next two months. Finally, I cut my wrists, and my good friend told the school counselor. The counselor called my mother. Because I was suicidal I was put in a psychiatric hospital where my alcoholism was discovered. I haven't had a drink since, and it hasn't been easy.    After I got out of the hospital, I went to an alternative school for kids with family problems. While there, I went through extensive family therapy, but this wasn't what I needed. With constant fights between my mother and the family counselor I was sent back to regular school. The counselors thought that I could make it, but they were wrong. It was right after spring break of my eighth grade year. It was very hard because everybody thought that I was a freak and wouldn't talk to me. I was lonely. I finished grade school, did okay over the summer, and stopped going to AA meetings. I spent the whole time with family and friends.    When I started high school, I felt very out of place. It is hard to be a freshman, let alone an alcoholic freshman. High school is a difficult place if you don't drink or get high. I again chose the wrong crowd, but was alright until I began hanging out with them after school. I lost my virginity at age thirteen and from there went crazy. I slept with anybody and everybody just so that they would be with me. I was as out of control as before except that I wasn't drinking.    When I was caught at a party sleeping with two guys on the same night, I was sent to an alternative high school. This one specialized in kids with drug and alcohol problems. I have been at this school for two and a half years now. It is a small year round school and has "outward bound" type experiences, "AA" type meetings, group counseling, and individual counseling as well as the high school curriculum. Family groups are required. We also are required to attend AA meetings. I can honestly say that I am in recovery. While attending this school, I have worked steps one through six of the AA program. I have an AA sponsor and attend five or six AA meetings a week. All but one of my friends are in recovery. I have completely changed my life around. I am happy. Sobriety isn't all wonderful because I still have my share of problems. I know how to deal with my problems today. The truth is that my worst day sober is much, much better than my best day drinking.