Back to home page     More family stories   8th Dwarf   by Z    Most Norte Americanos know a distorted story called "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs."  Well, I want to fill in the missing pieces for the record. This is my first hand account.  The story should really be retitled "The Unlucky Miners Betrayed by Glow Bright and Woody." I would have kept quiet and gone along with the legend but I did not want to see a brilliant girl  named Kira retell this story to her friends without knowing the truth.  She is going to be my grand daughter very soon and I want her to concentrate on what is most important in the legend.  I am the real hero of the story because I exposed the scheme to bilk oppressed miners of their wealth.        You see I escaped the Mexican diamond mine that used to be co-owned by me and my dozen dwarfs brothers. Six of us, in fact,  escaped. We forfeited our share to win our freedom. We left the other seven there. They still  feel too self-conscious of their small size to come out of the mines even though the diamonds wouldn't even yield enough for a 14 carat diamond. Now the mine won't even yield enough to buy 14 carrots.  Its sad to see the place today, because it has been turned into a Disney theme park and Glow Bright got my brothers to turn over their shares of the mine.           Two of the six freed dwarfs joined the circus back in 1999.  Let me see that was Surgo and Loco. Two of my other brothers are still modeling as  bowling pins in a sports store in San Diego, California.  That was Poco and his identical twin Pocito. One of my brothers went to Hollywood and tried to pass himself off as an actor.  He calls himself  Gary Coleman.  We used to call him Tonto.  Sometimes, when he thought he was better than us, we  would call him  Bobo. Those are bad Spanish words, I don't think we should use them lightly, they both mean stupid.  My favorite brother, Cero and I,  have been working as gnomes in the Renaissance Fairs in Chicago, Illinois.  How clumsy of me not to tell you my name. It is Zorro - the Fox.         I am glad you recognize my true heritage. I let Antonia Banderos use my name to make a movie modeled on  my life to free all oppressed miners.  Life as a gnome, among the jousters and jesters, is a lot of fun in the summer. I get to bless the visitors with sprinkles of  pickle sauce, splashes of beat drops and squirts of grape juice aimed at their mouths  as they enter the fair grounds.  My brother runs a booth that tells fortunes, sells elixirs and  takes out pickle juice stains.  Its a living.         Young children in Estates Unidos know  the names of those that stayed behind in the mines. They were the slower and older poverty stricken  brothers almost right.  Now all they do is pose like wax statues for camera shots and in return the get tortillas and tacos. There was Benny (Bueno), he was well behaved but far too gullible. He's the brother we all blame for letting in  Glow Bright and making the deal with her that she could move in and cook for us.  Those of us that were malcontents called him  Grunon (Grumpy). He  tried to organize the Dwarf's Miner's Union but only a few of us saved any diamonds. He couldn't get anybody to pay dues.  Glow Bright was very clever with Grunon - she gave him double portions so she could learn our weakness. We didn't believe he was a very good organizer since he openly accepted her bribes.         There was Timido (bashful) we called him Tomado (because he blushes red) When Glow Bright gave him a single peck on the forehead,  he would give up all his jewels to this diva.  There was Sonoliento (sleepy).  Glow would take his money after he fell asleep drinking his third hot chocolate laced with cinnamon and nutmeg.   Imbecil (dopey) always had problems adding and subtracting.    Glow would play poker, canasta and blackjack  with him but he could never read the numbers on the cards.  He always showed her his cards to see if he could win.  No wonder everybody  secretly calls him Dopey but not to his face.  She never let him win even once. So he got tricked out of all his earnings.       Estornudo (Sneezy) stuffed small diamond chips up his nose. After she put red hot pepper on his pudding, he always sprayed his sneezed diamonds into her waiting bucket.  There was Feliz, (happy) he was always very ticklish under the armpits and on the bottom of his feet. Glow would tickle him until he dropped his bag of diamonds on the floor and then she would sweep them up and pretend to put them in his bag but she would put dirt inside instead.        Because Glow Bright wasn't really a very good cook at all, she burned water on the first day, we all took a vote years and years ago - a week after she arrived in fact - to make  Medico the official doctor to take care of all the belly aches of all the miners. He didn't mind this because he didn't have to dig in mines. He was always looking busy working up potions to cure us all of our constant stomach aches.       I did not eat all the fast junk food she made for us miners (minero).  I certainly did not give all my diamonds to Glow Bright.  That's who you call    "Snow White" (blancanieves).   We were so dirty when we got out of the mines that anything looked snow white.  But her eyes is what I most remember.  They were as bright as the diamonds (diamente)  we turned over to her for making our dinners.  One eye would change colors from black (negro) to brown (moreno) then red (rojo).  The other eye twinkled between  yellow (amarillo) and blue (azul).         I confess now that I was taken in by Glow Bright's eyes  for over 77 years.  But I learned she had a secret boyfriend that used to visit her when we were slaving in the mines.  His name was Woody.   She led me to believe that I was her man - even though I was one fifth her size.  I fell for her hard luck story about that she was the most beautiful woman in Mexico and that the queen was jealous and wanted her killed.  Please!  She took our diamonds and turned them over to her hombre, her machote, her Woody.  Man,  this senorita was no princesa and her boyfriend was no Principe m Azul (that's prince charming to you dudes up in el Norte).        Somebody, I suspect it was a real estate  lawyer, started this rumor that we miners whistled while we worked.  While that tune has got a lot of w's in the catchy title - the truth of the matter was we worked with pick axes and chisels and we were where so crowded in that mine and diamond dust will cut up your lungs in a minute if you don't wear a mask.  If we hit a fragment it would some time bounce along the walls of the mine so we would warn each other with a quick holler "missile whistle".  So it was the diamonds that whistled, we were too hungry to be that cheerful.         Let me straighten you out about the venenoza manzana story.  You know it as the poison apple part of the story.  The apple was supposedly delivered by a woodsmen, working for a jealous queen and make this senorita fall into a death stupor.  That was her cover when she, the precious Glow Bright imbibed ( bibo/drank) too much apple wine.  One day she and Woody drank so much cider that she passed out before dinner time.  But Doc, covered for her by making up this story about some poison apple sent by a mysterious woodsmen.  I wouldn't have gotten the low down except Medico, greedy through and through, wanted a double portion of tapioca pudding and threatened to expose her racket.  I overheard it all and bribed Medico to work out my escape.  I knew the mine was not yielding as much and we would soon be on each other like a pack of wolves.  It would be like the Gold Rush of the 49'ers all over again.        So it was me, Kira,  that worked out the escape plan for the six that didn't get even an honorable mention.  I went straight to  the income tax collector and turned evidence against Glow Bright and her secret accomplice Woody, the woodsmen.  They are doing time and their lawyer worked up that fairy tale to try to get their jail time commuted on good behavior.   Walt Disney made a deal to let them out for good behavior if he could take over the mine and our cottage for his movie production.   I should be getting some of that action, but that's another story.        So that's the real deal, I know its not glamorous as the version Glow Bright's told at her racketerring trial.  But it still has a happy ending.  Because when Kira found the 8th dwarf story was real, she did a Show and Tell at her school using the story of the 8th Dwarf to win an English essay contest.  She won an all expenses paid  airplane ride to my old family mine and cottage.  She will be starring as Glow Bright on the sequel called "Zorro the Dwarf Rides Again". Four years free room and board were thrown at the college of her choice.  So the truth finally gets to be told and I will go back to the fair grounds contented that my story has been told.