MOONBRIGHT

By Paul Lee

ACT I

Scene I

The home of Grandpa Conrad Washington, a 60 something African-American junk dealer living in a small Chicago community in the year 1930. It is a warm Wednesday in the month of May. The setting is (CS) a very small and neat living room that contains a sofa, small stool, bookcase, coffee table, easy chair and family pictures on the wall. In the DR area there is a dining table with chairs and place settings are there.  Enter Grandpa with newspaper in hand. He’s dressed in old trousers, wrinkled shirt, suspenders and kerchief poking out of his back pocket.  He walks slowly to center stage.

Grandpa: Let me introduce myself.  I’m Conrad Washington and I’m the head of the Washington family and ah…what a family it is!  You might say that we are a tad…unusual as a family.  You might say, we have a few quirks.  You might even say that we’re down right…uh, what’s the word…screwy.  But we love each other and tonight I thought we would tell you a little something about our family.

First there’s my son, John. (Enter John from stage right wearing a lab apron and carrying a mason jar of clear liquid)

John: I think we’ve got it this time. (takes a position  onstage while holding the jar in the air as he examines the contents. He freezes.)

Grandpa: He’s a good man, but he has a tendency to get a little caught up in his hobbies.  Then there’s his wife, my daughter-in-law, Nora.  (Enter Nora dressed in a kitchen apron, flour on her hands and holding a cook book entitled, “How to Cook Anything from Korea.”)

Nora: (speaking very rapidly) John, John, I’ve got this great recipe on how to cook anything. I got the book from Mrs. Pierce, you know the lady that lives in that green house. I told Ma that house…(Takes a position next to husband John and freezes.)

Grandpa: She’s a bit, uh…breezy (gestures with twirling finger to head), but God bless her, she means well.  Then there are my granddaughters, Reggie & Renee. (Enter granddaughters)

Renee: (excitedly) ooh…I saw him in school the other day and he’s so good looking! I hear he has a girlfriend though. (They both position themselves and freeze)

Grandpa: As you can see, they’re discussing their favorite subject, boys!  There are other members of our rather large family, our housekeeper and handyman, Nettie and Maurice. (Enter Nettie & Maurice. He is in overalls and she has hair wrapped in a scarf).

Maurice: (in a stage whisper) Nettie, come on, talk to me.  We gotta work things out. (They take positions on stage and freeze.)

Grandpa: Even Mr. Levi, the fella who rents the room upstairs, he’s just like part of the family.  (Enter Mr. Levi with thick Chemistry book & glasses)

Mr. Levi: I think we need to work on that batch a little more, Mr. John. (He takes his place behind John and freezes)

Grandpa: In spite of our little quirks we love each other.  (Enter Granny, who goes over to Conrad, takes his paper out of his hand and bops him over the head) Oh, yeah, I forgot!  There’s my beautiful wife Mae (Granny returns his newspaper, mumbles something and takes a position with the rest of the family and freezes.)  As I said, we’re a strange little family, but God has blessed us.  Hmm…Sun Beau is racing at Hawthorne in the 5^th. (Takes pencil and begins to handicap the race as he makes his way back into the family scene.  He plops down in an easy chair DL.) 

Reggie: Mama! Nooo

(Family suddenly unfreezes. Papa John & Levi head back out toward stage right. )

Reggie: I mean let Nettie do it!  Uh…that’ll free you to enjoy your company. 

Papa John: (while exiting stage right) Now we have to work on the taste.

Levi: uh…Mr. John, I don’t think it’s ready yet. (They both exit)

(Grandma approaches Grandpa’s chair and start to make a fuss about him and his race sheet.  Nettie exits stage left with an exasperated Maurice trailing behind her)

Nora:  (Excited) Oh it’ll be fine!  I’ve got this great recipe I just got from Korea.  It’s called, How to Cook Anything from Korea. (Exiting SR) Oh, I can’t wait!

(Renee & Reggie go DR)

Scene II

Renee: What’s that all about?

Reggie: The Pastor is coming over Saturday for a visit.

Renee: So?

Reggie: The Pastor’s probably going to bring Michael with him.

Renee: So?  He is his son.

Reggie: If Mama cooks dinner for him it’ll ruin everything!

Renee: I thought you were going to tell Mama and Papa about you and Michael!

Reggie: (nervously) I was—I mean, I will.  It’s just that the time isn’t right.

Renee: Reggie, you know Papa doesn’t want you date.  He’s got his mind set on you going to Aunt Emma’s in New York and finishing your last two years of college there..

Reggie: I know. I know.  And the Pastor wants Michael to go away to Bible college.  But, we love each other! We want to stay together.

Renee: You two have been hiding this thing for almost a year!  When Papa finds out…

Reggie: Yeah, I know, and if Mama cooks dinner for the Pastor this weekend she’ll ruin everything! You know how she cooks! Our family will never be able get close enough for us to tell them!

Renee: Oh yeah!  If he eats Mama’s cooking, we’ll be lucky if we don’t get kicked out of the church!

Reggie: Remember when Mama threw that high school graduation party for me?  She prepared all that food instead of letting Nettie do it? 

Renee: She meant well.

Reggie: She served rattlesnake soup, pigeon pie and something called Mashed Ice!  I’m still trying to figure out what was in that!

Renee: Oh, Grandma told me.  It was mashed potatoes and ice cream mixed!

Reggie: …or how about when she was reading that one recipe and it said, “separate two eggs.” She put one in the ice box and the other one in the cupboard! (Heads for exit SR)

Reggie: …or what about that time she thought squirrels were a source of protein…” (Exit with Renee trailing SR)

Grandpa to Grandma: So who is this guy?

Grandma: Her name is Miss Bernita and she teaches singing down at the high school.

Grandpa: Mae, you’re 65 years old and you want to learn how to sing!!!

Grandma: At one time, I was hot stuff in show business!  I want to do it again!

Grandpa: Show business!  You served drinks in Mr.  C’s speakeasy!

Grandma: They wouldn’t let me sing!

Grandpa: Well, I guess they weren’t drinking their own hooch afterall!

(She takes a swipe at him)

Grandma: Well I want to learn to sing!

Grandpa: How much is this teacher going to cost me? 

Grandma: Nothing!  Not a red cent! (Posturing)  She wants me to be in her new play over at the community house.  It’s called, The Singing Granny.

Grandpa: The Singing Granny?  Has she heard you sing?  This play is going to open and close in… one night!

Grandma: Well, you don’t have to worry about it!  She’s going to drop by the house twice a week and give me lessons until I’m good enough for the part.

Grandpa:(Getting up to exit) Well, we’d better prepare the guest room.  She’s going to be here a long time!

(Exit SR Grandpa and Grandma)

(Enter Nettie with Maurice trailing from SL)

Maurice: I didn’t tell nobody!

Nettie: Keep your voice down!

Maurice: (in a lower voice)  I wouldn’t tell anybody about you being pregnant. Why do you think I told somebody?

Nettie: Well the Pastor is coming over here for dinner on Saturday and Mrs. Washington don’t want me around. I’ve been cooking for this family for years. But she won’t let me cook dinner on Saturday. I heard from Mrs. Parker, the church secretary, that the Pastor kicked the Harris girl out of church last month!  You know, the Harris girl got pregnant by that no count man who lived down in Springfield and she wasn’t married neither. I ‘figger he’s fixin’to come over here to talk to Mrs. Washington about kicking us out of the church! 

Maurice: But baby, I didn’t say a thang to the Pastor or anybody else.

Nettie: (Emotional) Well somebody did!  Oh Maurice, I’m scared. (Weeping)

 Why did we do it?  Mrs. Washington is going to be so disappointed.

Maurice: (Under his breath) I’m not too happy with it myself!

Nettie: Huh?

Maurice: I said I hope it’s a boy like myself.

Nettie: Oh Maurice…

Maurice: So what you goin’ to do?

Nettie: (angry) What am I going to do?  What am I going to do?  (Exits with Maurice trailing.)

Maurice: Nettie, I …I didn’t mean…NETTIE! (Exit)

(Blackout)

(Lights up)

Scene III Thursday

(Enter Michael and Reggie holding hands from SL)

Reggie: Thanks for walking me home Michael, but you’d better leave before some one comes down the stairs and catches us.

Michael:  I know, I know.  Why don’t we just tell everyone and get it over with.  (Holding her close) I love you and I don’t care what my father says and so what if our families never get close? 

Reggie: Michael, I tell you, my family is really unusual!  I’ve got a father who’s hobby is trying to find a non-alcoholic moonshine drink, a grandmother who walks around talking to herself and wants to learn to sing  in her old age, and a mother who thinks she can cook exotic gourmet dishes. 

Michael: Yeah, the Deacon board is still talking about how good your mother’s macaroni and cheese was at the last church festival.  They were lining up for seconds.

Reggie: That’s because my mother accidentally poured a batch of my father’s moonshine in the mixture. He’s always leaving it around the place.

Michael: Moonshine! So that’s why Deacon George wants us to move the church festival up a month this year.

Reggie: Yeah, he and Mr. Levi, our boarder, have been working on this thing for about a year. 

Michael: Doesn’t he know about the Prohibition laws?

Reggie: Papa feels that his invention will be the answer to the Prohibition problem. 

Michael: Well, turning back to us, (holding her in his arms) do you know that I’ve been in love with you ever since that school camp outing in Wisconsin?

Reggie: You mean the time when I had to show you how to bait your fishing hook?

Michael: ahh... (Touching a finger to her lips) .you said that would be our little secret.

(They both laugh) 

(From offstage SR)—“Hugo, Hugo...”

(They quickly part)

(Enter Nettie)

Nettie: Oh don’t mine me.  I’m looking for that stray dog that your mama brought home the other day. Hello Michael, what brings you over here?

Michael: Uh…I just thought I’d drop by to see if Reggie wanted to help out with some young people events for the church picnic.  (To Reggie) Uh…Ok, I’ll give you some time to think about what we talked about.  Uh, I’ll see you later. (Exits)

Nettie: (looking suspiciously—returns to look for the dog) Hmph… Hugo!

Reggie: Why did you name him Hugo?

Nettie: Your mother named him.  I don’t know why she brought him home.  She don’t even like dogs.  (Continues to look for the dog)

Nettie: Hugo, Hugo (Exits SL)

(Reggie proceeds to exit SR and bumps into Papa & Mr. Levi entering. Mr. Levi is taking notes and Papa is carrying a mason jar of clear liquid)

Reggie: Oh Papa, you’ve just got to talk to Mama about Saturday. 

Papa: (oblivious) Yes, Yes… Mr. Levi, when we finish our invention, we’ve got to give it a fantastic new name.  One that has never been used before.  One that perfectly spells out what it means to take one sip of our heavenly new brew. 

Reggie: Papa…

Papa: Oh I’m sorry honey.  What did you say? 

Reggie: Uh…Papa the Pastor is coming over in two days and don’t you think it would nice if Nettie cooked up something special? 

Papa (not really paying attention) yes, yes, of course…

Reggie: So you’ll talk to Mama?

Papa:  huh?   Oh Reggie, go talk to your mother about that. 

Reggie: Oh Papa… (Exits SR)

Papa: As I was saying…

Mr. Levi: Mr. John, don’t you think we should invent it first, before we start naming it? 

Papa:  Nonsense.   It’s almost ready now and we need a name. A name that says SMOOTH, HEAVENLY.

Mr. Levi: How about Angel’s Breath?

Papa: No, but you’re on the right track.  One sip of it will be like, like a kiss from the stars. 

Mr. Levi:  Like a moonbeam.

Papa: (standing over a small coffee table) Yes, yes that’s it.  We’ll call it Moonbright—A Heavenly Kiss!  Yes, we could have a picture of a pretty girl on the label with a saying underneath.  She could say, “Let me give you a Heavenly kiss”.  Yes, yes, write that down. 

(Mr. Levi writes it down, passes it to Papa, who places it on the coffee table, and moves ahead to another subject)

Papa: Now what can we do to make it taste better? 

Mr. Levi: We could flavor it with something else, say like lemonade. 

Papa: Perfect Mr. Levi.  Perfect!   Take this batch, flavor it with some lemonade and place it in the ice box.  We can then see if it gets cloudy when cold.  Uh..by the way, did you leave the burners on under that last batch?

(Explosion-smokes comes out SR)

(Enter Granny SR with her face smudged with smoke, hair in disarray, and a plume of smoke escapes from her mouth)

Papa: Mama

Granny: JOHN!!

(Blackout)

(lights up—Mama is sitting in living room writing on a pad of paper, and the door bell rings. She signs the letter, places it on the coffee table and goes to answers the door.)

(Enter Renee)

Renee: I’ll get it mama…

Mama: That’s ok dear.  (she opens the door)

(Enter Cila)

Mama: (rapidly) Cila, I’m glad you’re here. I need to ask your opinion about what to prepare for the Pastor’s visit on Saturday.  I was thinking of something exotic—something unusual, something with a little mystique to it.  Something that you just don’t eat everyday!

(Renee turns to exit SR)

Mama to Renee: Oh dear, would you run that list of items for the church picnic over to the Pastor? 

Renee: Sure Mama (she grabs the wrong letter and exits SL)

Cila: Nora I’ve been your next door neighbor for five years now and every time you have a visitor you want to fix some elaborate dinner.  Why don’t you just let Nettie do her job?  She’s your housekeeper and cook. 

Mama:  Oh Cila, you know I’m an excellent cook!  Now help me pick something out of this new cookbook I got from Mrs. Pierce, you know the lady that lives in that green house. It’s kinda greasy but it has some great recipes.   (hands the book to Cila)

Cila reading: “How to Cook Anything from Korea.”  Nora you sure you want to use this book?  Don’t they eat strange things over there in Korea?  I heard they eat all kinds of stuff over there. 

Mama: Oh people are the same all over the world. Here, (looking over Cilia’s shoulders at the book) That’s what I had in mind for Saturday. (pointing to a recipe in the book) I’m going to call it…uh, Doughgay’. 

Cila: Uh that’s nice…uh…Nora, where’s that nice Mr. Levi?

Mama: Oh he’s down in the basement with John.  They’re still working on something or other. (leaning over into the book) What do you think about this one? 

Cila: no, no, no….Oh Nora, I was talking to Madame Mary, you know that voodoo woman who moved here from Haiti, and she says that if I just make myself a little prayer cloth, say a little piece of Mr. Levi’s clothing, and I put it in a Mason jar, that I’ll be married before Christmas!

Mama: Oh Cila…

(The doorbell rings)

Reggie: I’ll get it! (Enter Reggie from SR to the door SL)

(door opens enter Miss Bernita)

Miss Bernita: I’m Miss Bernita.  I’m Mrs. Washington’s Singing Instructor.

Reggie: (shouting) Granny, your Singing Instructor is here!

Mama: Welcome to our home, Miss Bernita.  Come right in. Here have a seat; I’m Mrs. Washington’s daughter-in-law, Nora. How are you? Oh, isn’t a nice day?  I was just saying to my friend Cila, here that today is too nice of a day to stay indoors, but I’ve got to cook something for Saturday and I was just picking…

(Enter Granny SR) (Miss Bernita looks relieved)

Miss Bernita: (rising) Good afternoon, Mrs. Washington. 

Granny: Hmph…You’re late.

Miss Bernita: Uh…shall we get started. 

Mama: Oh don’t mine us Miss Bernita.  You won’t disturb us. (turns back to Cila and the cookbook)

Miss Bernita: (leading Granny to the stool DL. She stands on it) Here is the song we will rehearse. (hands her some sheet music).

(Note: from here on the dialog and action is fast paced and on top of each other.)

Granny: (reading) Meet me in St. Louis? What kind of song is that?

Miss Bernita: Mrs. Washington, please…

Granny: (singing in a terrible voice) “Meet me in St. Louie, Louie.  Meet me at the fair.” Who is this Louie fella anyway?  Why don’t he meet her at the door like everybody else?

(Enter Nettie SR moving SL)

Nettie: Hugo, Hugo   Where is that darn dog.  I ain’t seen him all week! (looking under furniture)

Miss Bernita :( Touching Granny’s stomach) breathe, breathe…You’re not breathing.

Granny: If you .touch me again, you’ll be the one not breathing.

Nettie: Hugo, Hugo…

(Dog barking offstage)

Cila: Naw, Nora that one takes too long to make.

Nora: Mrs. Parker made that one and (pointing in the book) her oven was just too hot. Her cake fell and it was awful. I could try this one though.

(Explosion—Enter Papa and Mr. Levi)  

Mr. Levi: Mr. John, I told you it’s not ready yet!

(Door Bell rings. Mama gets up to answer and Cila continues to talk to her loudly)

(Enter Michael)

 Mama: Reggie?  Reggie?  Why do you want to see Reggie?  REGGIE!  Michael, the Pastor’s son is here to see you!

Mama, Looking at John: John, John!  What happened?

(Enter Reggie)

John: Levi, go get that other batch before…

(another explosion)

Reggie: Michael (embarrassed) What are you doing here?

Michael:  My father…He..Uh…What’s all this?

Cila: (gets up with cookbook and approaches Mama) Nora, now if you’ll invite me to your little gathering with the Pastor, I’ll bake this and bring it. Oh, Mr. Levi will just love it!  You know the way to a man’s heart….

Miss Bernita: You’ve got to sing from down there (pointing to her midsection) 

Granny: Stay away from there!  Louie, Louie, take me to the fair…

Reggie: (putting her hands to her head)  aaaaaah! (Exits SR)

(Blackout quickly)

(Lights up quickly in DR in the area of the audience.)

(Scene switches to a man in religious collar and his wife around a small table)

Pastor: WHAT!!!

Mrs. Cordell: What is it dear?

Pastor: It’s a note from Nora Washington. (He reads it)  The Jezebel!  She…she wants to KISS ME! 

(Blackout—(End of Act I)

ACT II

Scene I Friday

(Door bell rings)

(lights up—Enter Granny from SR)

Granny: I’m coming.  I’m coming. Hold your horses.

(opens door)

Granny: Who are you?

(Enter Mr. Kenneth Braithwaite. A serious looking, stuffy, proper type of a gentleman with straw hat, rolled up sleeves and perspiring. He also has a gold watch on a chain)

Braithwaite: Kenneth Braithwaite.

Granny: You’re a bratwurst?

Braithwaite: Mr. Kenneth Braithwaite.  My card madam. (hands her his business card)

Granny:  (she reads) Mr. Kenneth Braithwaite, IRS Agent.

Braithwaite: I am here to see (looks at his notes) Mr. Conrad Washington. Does he live here?

Granny: Yeah, but he’s not here right now.  He should be home in a minute or two. He went down to his junkyard to take care of a few things.  Come on in.  I’m his wife, Mrs. Washington.  What’s this all about?

Braithwaite: Our records show that your husband hasn’t filed his income taxes in the last three years.  We at the IRS take a very dim view of individuals who think they can skirt the law. 

Granny: Uh…how much does he owe ya.

(He shows her his notepad)

Granny: Hmm…that much, huh?  Uh…Mr. Braithwaite, let me get you some lemonade to cool you off.  It’s one of those hot days.

Braithwaite: Thank you Madame. (dabbing his head with a hankerchief) That would be most appreciated.

(exit Granny SR)

Granny offstage: So you say my Conrad’s been owing you this money for three years, huh? 

Braithwaite: That is correct madam and unless he pays up, we will have no other recourse but to pursue legal action.

Granny returning with glass of lemonade: You mean he can go to jail?

(Braithwaite: Yes, that is correct. (takes glass and takes a big swallow)  My, that’s a rather tasty drink.  Might I have another one?  It is rather warm today.

(Granny takes the empty glass and goes to refill it) 

Granny offstage: Mr. Braithwaite., I’m sho’ my Conrad didn’t mean no harm.  He wasn’t trying to dodge no income tax.

(enter Granny with pitcher of liquid and glass. She pours him a drink)

Granny: He probably just forgot to pay em’.  He’s getting up in age and all. It probably just skipped his mind.

(Braithwaite takes another swig and belches)  Oh excuse me.  (looks at the glass) My this is some good lemonade.  You know, I can never get my wife to make a pitcher of good lemonade.  She always…

Granny: Uh, so how long does my Conrad have to pay this money back to the guvment’? 

Braithwaite: Oh, yes…uh (straightening up again) Well that’s why I’m here Mrs. Washington.  We take a dim view…

Granny: Yeah, Yeah, you already told me about how dim your view is.  What I want to know is how long does he have to pay it back?

(Braithwaite takes another swig)

Braithwaite: Well (he giggles—he’s getting slightly intoxicated) how-much-time-does-he-think-he’ll-need?

(Granny filling his glass)

Granny: Well, if he pays it, and I’m not so sho’ he owes it, but if he pays it I’m betting he’ll need a couple of months.  You a betting man, Mr. Braithwaite?

Braithwaite: (slurring a bit with a twinkle in his eye) You know gambling ain’t exactly legal, Mrs. Washington, but I’ve been known to lay down a dollar or two on a good full house.

Granny:Well, my Conrad won’t be home for another 30 minutes or so.  How about us playing a couple of hands til’ he gets here?

(Braithwaite takes another swig and is obviously drunk by now)

Braithwaite: I don’t see any harm in that.

(Granny reaches into her apron pocket and pulls out a gamblers visor, a gamblers shirt band and a pack of cards)

Granny: Ok, one-eyed Jacks are wild.  Let’s see what ya’ made of .

(Blackout)

Scene II

(lights up DR)

Rev.Cordell: I tell you that woman is making a pass at me!  I always thought she was a little on the balmy side.

Mrs. Cordell: Now, now dear.  I’m sure there’s a perfectly good explanation for all of this.

Rev. Cordell: It’s right here in her note, Ernestine.  The woman wants me! 

Mrs. Cordell under her breath: What for?

Rev.Cordell: How’s that dear?

Mrs. Cordell: Uh..(standing) I said, I’m going to make some coffee.  You want some more?

Rev. Cordell: No not right now.  What kind of a man does she think I am?  I’m a married man! I’ve given up all that romantic mumbo-jumbo years ago. 

Mrs. Cordell in exasperation: Yes dear, I know.

Rev. Cordell: Well, when we go over there tomorrow to talk about the picnic, I’m going to give her a little piece of my mind.

Mrs. Cordell exiting:Yes dear (looking hopefully) , a little piece.

(blackout)

(lights up on center stage. Granny is helping a very drunk Mr. Braithwaite out of his chair. He has no watch or shirt. Granny has his hat and his watch. She helps him to the door)

(Enter Conrad.)

Conrad: (looking shocked as Braithwaite stumbles out the door) Who’s that?

Granny: Never mind.  (she takes a wad of money out of her apron and slaps it into Conrad’s hand)

Conrad: What’s this? 

Granny: Tax Money!. (she turns and exits SR)

(He stands there for a second, dumbfounded. He follows her out)

Scene III

(Enter from DR Nettie followed by Maurice who is wiping his hands with a rag) 

Maurice: damn sticky car engine! (wiping his hands on rag) Look, Nettie we got to talk ‘bout this. 

Nettie: Maurice, I know that’s why the Pastor’s coming to dinner tomorrow.  He’s goin’ to tell Mrs. Washington about me bein’ pregnant and probably announce it to the whole church on Sunday.  We gon’ be run out of the church!

Maurice: Maybe not, .  Maybe he’s coming for something else.  Maybe he’s just coming for a good ‘ole fashioned dinner and that’s it.

Nettie: With Mrs. Washington cooking?

Maurice: Oh, yeah, right.  Well, uh..maybe you can wear some big clothes or somethin’. Nobody’ll know.

Nettie: Oh Maurice, don’t be such a applehead!  What happens in nine months when there’s another mouth to feed?

Maurice: Well…How ‘bout this? We could send you down south to my mother in Mississippi til the baby is born.  We could tell everybody that your folks was feelin’ poorly and you had to take care of them. 

Nettie: I done thought this out and I got another idea.  You know that Harris girl that the Pastor kicked out of the church?  I was talkin’ to the Pastor’s secretary and she told me that the girl went to some doctor who took care of it for her. 

Maurice: You mean she got fixed?

Nettie: (she gives him a punch in the arm)  Why you got to say it that way? He took care of the pregnancy.  She can still have mo’ kids, but he just took that one.

Maurice: Nettie, I don’t think I like dat idea.  You talkin’ ‘bout doin’ away with my child.  Dat’s wrong.

Nettie: (raising her voice) Well what we gon do?  Have this baby and get all the people starin’ at us, kicked out of the church, havin’ our folks ashamed of us and stuff?

Maurice: There’s got to be another way, Nettie.  We just can’t kill our baby.

Nettie: (confused) Stop calling it our baby!  It ain’t a baby yet!  (pause)  Maurice, I just want to make it better for us. For you—for me. 

Maurice: There’s just got to be another way, Nettie.

Nettie: (angry,)Well, I done made up my mind!  I’m goin’ to see that doctor next week even if it’s without you!

Maurice(anxiety): Nettie, you want to break us up?

Nettie: (shouting and exiting SR ) Maurice, if you ain’t with me on this, then we’re through.

Maurice: Nettie, you can’t do this…

(Enter Renee SL)

Scene IV

(Maurice is left onstage and starts to weep.  He is approached by Renee who puts a hand on his shoulder and quickly withdraws it because he’s dirty)

Renee: Maurice, are you alright?

Maurice quickly recovering:  Uh… I’m ok.  I guess you heard, uh?

Renee: I heard you two arguing.  What’s wrong?

Maurice: Well, I may as well tell somebody...but you gotta keep it to yourself.

Renee: Sure, if that’s what you want.

Maurice: Miss Renee, Nettie is ‘spectin.  She gone have a baby!

Renee: Maurice! 

Maurice: I know, I know, and she wants to do away with the baby.  You can’t tell nobody!

Renee: My lips are sealed.

Maurice: Miss Renee, I don’t know what we gone do.  Now she’s mad at me causin’ I don’t want her to get rid of our baby.  It ain’t right.  And now, she wants to break us up!

Renee: (thinking)  Hmm…(snapping her fingers) Maurice, I got the answer! What you’ve got to do is write her a letter—not just any letter, but a love letter. (she warms to her topic) This could be the Love of the Ages!  Just like Romeo and Juliet, and Antony and Cleopatra. .

Maurice: They got pregnant too, huh?

Renee: No, no.   I learned about them in school.  But you’ve got to write her a romantic love letter.  You’ll pour out your heart.

Maurice: I don’t know nuthin’  bout writing no love letter.

Renee: I’ll help you.  Here, (grabbing a pad from the coffee table) just write down what I tell you.  “My Darling, I’ve always loved you.  I know I haven’t showed it in the past but I do care.  When I’m with you I hear bells and I see doves.

Maurice: doves?

Renee: Yeah, women love that kind of stuff.  Let’s see now, “Let’s meet tonight and talk about us.”  Signed, Your Lovey Dovey.

Maurice: Lovey Dovey?  Miss Renee, I…

Renee: They love that stuff too. Go ahead write it down.

(He writes it down and hands it to her.  She grimaces as she takes the sticky letter)

Maurice: Sorry, I was working on a sticky old car engine.

Renee: No matter. (she reads it) Yes, this will do it. (she folds it)

Maurice: Miss Renee, I can’t give her no stuff like that.  I’d be too embarrassed.

Renee: I’ll do it for you.  I’ll give it to her.  (She places it on the coffee table. She grimaces again.)  She’ll read it and she’ll come running back to you, then you can propose and get married.

Maurice: Married?  Miss Renee, I don’t want…

(Enter Nora SR with cookbook in hand)

Nora: Oh, there you are Maurice.  Can you give Conrad a hand outside unloading something or other from the junkyard.

Maurice: uh…(looking at Renee)..well..

Nora: Hurry, those boxes aren’t going to get any lighter.

(Maurice looks at Renee.  She mouths the words, “It’s OK”. He exits SL)

Nora: Renee, this is going to be my best dinner yet!

Renee: What are you going to cook, mama? 

Nora: I call it, Doughgay. 

Renee: That’s (gives her a perplexed look)… good.

(Nora exits SL)

(Enter Reggie)

Renee: Mother!  She’s so, so unromantic!

Reggie: What do you mean?

Renee: For tomorrow’s dinner, she’s cooking something out of a Korean Cookbook and she thinks it’s a French dish!  She calls it Doughgay. 

Reggie: Doughgay?  It sounds like, doggy.  Doggy!  You don’t think…?  No! 

Renee: (shocked) She wouldn’t!

Reggie: She would!  Oh my God!  She’s going to serve the Pastor dog!

(They look at each other)

Both together: Hugo, Hugo….Here boy….

(Blackout)

Scene V--Saturday

Papa offstage: Mr. Levi, Mr. Levi, I can’t seem to find that last batch here in the icebox.  Would you bring up some more? 

(Lights up center stage)

(Enter Papa SL)

Papa: Now where did I put that chemistry book? 

(doorbell rings—he goes to answer it)

(enter Cila with scissors)

Papa: Oh hello Cila, Nora’s in the kitchen getting ready for this evening.

Cila: Well, I’m here to see Mr. Levi.  Is he about?

Papa: Yes, he’s in the kitchen too.

(She exits SR and he also drifts away SR)

(Enter Reggie & Renee SR)

Renee: Well, I heard it from Lucy Parker, Mrs. Parker’s daughter?  She heard it from her mother, who heard it from the Pastor! 

Reggie: Heard what Renee?

Renee: …that Mama sent a love note over to the Pastor!

Reggie: Oh Renee, that’s silly.

Renee: No…Lucy’s never wrong about good gossip!  What are we going to do?

Reggie: Does Papa know? 

Renee: No, I don’t think so.

Reggie anxious: Well, we’ll just have to keep it from him until we can

talk some sense into mama and we got to keep the Pastor from eating Mama’s cooking tonight.   Oh, Michael and I will never be able to publicly get together!  

Mr. Levi offstage: Miss Cila, what are you going to do with those scissors?  Watch it! Ouch!

(Enter Cila. She exits out SL with a swatch of cloth)

Cila: I’ll see you girls later.

(Enter Nettie. She heads for SL)

Nettie: Here Hugo…Here boy.  I just can’t seem to find that dog to feed him!

Renee under her breath: I’ve got a feeling, he’s going to feed us!

Reggie: Hush!

(Enter a very busy Nora dressed in apron SR): Oh girls, there you are!  Run over to Cila’s and give her a hand  She’s making the salad and pies for tonight. 

Reggie: …but Mama, I need to talk to you…

Nora: Yes dear, later.  Now run along.  My word, I’ve got so much to do!  Now hurry along.

(Exit Reggie & Renee SL)

Scene VI

(Explosion from SR)

Nora: to John offstage:  John, John…Please not while the Pastors here! 

John offstage: You can’t stop progress Nora.

(Enter Nettie DR)

Nettie: Miss Washington, I can’t find that dog anywhere.

Nora: Oh, forget about him.  We’ll probably never see him again. Did you break out the good dishes?  You know the ones that my mother gave us? 

(Nettie nods)

Nora: Oh, and also, can you pick some of the flowers out back for a centerpiece.  They’ll make it look so, so… French. 

Nettie: …but I thought you was fixin’ a Korean dish.

Nora: Korean, French, American …it’s all the same.

(Exit a perplexed Nettie SR)

(Enter Granny SR)

Nora: Mother Washington, did you remember to cancel your singing lesson for tonight?

Granny: Well, I…

(Nora doesn’t wait for a reply. She suddenly starts to smell something)

Nora: Oh my. That’s my masterpiece in the oven.

(Nora exits SR)

Granny to herself: I told that boy that woman was strange. (proceeds to the easy chair)

(Blackout)

(Lights up on Rev. and Mrs. Cordell down the aisle toward the stage)

Rev. Cordell: I tell you Ernestine, that woman was making a pass at me! Wanting to Kiss me! She must be crazy as a loon. 

Mrs. Cordell: Yes dear, she must be.

Rev. Cordell: Well, I’m going to set this matter straight tonight.

Mrs. Cordell: But dear, I thought you were going to talk about the picnic.

Rev. Cordell: Well, maybe someone else might be better suited to head it up. Is Michael going to join us later?

Mrs. Cordell: Yes dear.

(They arrive SL and ring the doorbell)

Scene VII

(Nora from offstage) John can you get that? I’m in the kitchen.

(Enter John who answers the door)

John: Good evening Pastor, Mrs. Cordell.

Pastor: I’d like to discuss a very serious matter with your wife, Mr. Washington.

John: Come right on in. (he takes Mrs. Cordell’s shawl and places it on the coffee table)

You know my mother, Mrs. Mae Washington.

Granny looking them up and down: Hmmpt…..

(Enter Nora from SR)

Nora: Pastor Cordell, Ernestine…

Pastor: Mrs. Washington, about your note…

Nora: Yes, was it everything you wanted?

Pastor: Mrs. Washington!

Nora:. but we’ll discuss it after dinner.  I’ve made a really delicious foreign dish that is sure to be a winner.

(Enter Reggie, Renee and Cila with pies, salad bowl and Mason jar.)

Nora: Oh, here are my girls and this is my next door neighbor, Miss Cila Scott.

Pastor: I’m happy to meet you Miss Scott.  Now Mrs. Washington, about that note…

(Enter Conrad)

Conrad: Oh, you must be the Pastor and Mrs. Cordell. I’m Conrad Washington, John’s father.

Pastor: Mr. Washington.

(Cila and the girls put the food on the table DR)

Pastor: Uh…now that note…

Mrs.Cordell: She said we can discuss it after dinner, dear. 

Nora: Please be seated everybody. Dinner is served. Pastor would say the blessing?

(Enter Nettie with food and sets the table)

Cila: I’ll give you a hand Nettie. 

Rev. Cordell: Lawd bless this (looking into the pot) food and bless this, uh…unusual house.  Yes, and this is one unusual house, Lord!  Bless the hands that prepared this meal.  And speaking of hands (leaning toward Nora)  If I get my hands on… (at this point Mrs. Cordell gives him a nudge. ) Yeah, uh..thanks Lord. Amen.

Mrs. Cordell: This is our first visit to your home. It’s lovely.

Nora: We use to live in a smaller home until John and Papa bought their third junkyard.

Mrs. Cordell: You were really blessed Mr. Washington to be able to buy in the middle of this depression.

John: Well, I guess every dog has his day, Mrs. Cordell.

Renee under her breath: Every dog except poor Hugo!

Reggie whispering: Hush!

Rev. Cordell: So you’re in the junkyard business, huh Mr. Washington?

Conrad: Yep, and I’m here to tell you, it’s a dog eat dog world!

(Renee starts to say something and she is kicked under the table by Reggie)

Renee: Ouch!

(Doorbell rings and Cila answers it. Enter Miss Bernita)

Miss Bernita: Oh, I didn’t know you had company.  I’m here for Mrs. Washington’s singing lesson.

Nora: Mother Washington, I thought…Oh no matter.  Miss Bernita, would you care to stay for dinner?

Miss Bernita: Well, I uh…Well, sure.  I’d love to Mrs. Washington. Everything looks so nice.

Mrs. Cordell: You’re teaching Mae to sing?

Miss Bernita: Si, Senora.  She’s going to be in my new play, The Singing Grannies.

Rev. Cordell shocked: The Singing Grannies!

Miss Bernita: Se, and it will be the hit of the season down at the Community Center.

Granny: I use to be quite a performer in my day. (Suddenly angry) You can teach an old dog new tricks you know!

Renee whispering: but not if he’s the entree.

(Nettie brings in the main meat dish, sets it down and everyone starts to dig in)

Renee whispering: Reggie, we’d better…

Reggie: We’d better stay on our diets.

Cila laughing: You girls don’t need no diet.

Nora: Would anybody like any coffee or lemonade?

Mrs. Cordell: Coffee for the Pastor.  He can’t stand anything citrus, but, I would like a little lemonade.

Miss Bernita: I’ll take some lemonade too, thank you.

(Cila goes to get the beverages)

Rev. Cordell taking a bite of the meat: Mmm… this is quite tasty.  What is it?

Nora: I call it Doughgay.  I got it from a cookbook.

Pastor: Mmmm….French huh?  It’s got a little bite to it!

Renee whispering:  You don’t know the half of it.

(Reggie gives her an angry look)

(Everyone is eating)

(Cila returns with the beverages and serves it)

Scene VIII

(Enter Mr. Levi)

Mr. Levi: Oh, I didn’t…(shocked as he notices the pitcher of experimental brew on the table).  Uh…Mr. John, may I speak to you for a moment?

(John and Levi DL)

Levi: (Whispering) Mr. John, that’s the 2^nd batch that I placed in the icebox! 

John: Yes, let’s see how they like it.

Levi: Mr John, I don’t think it’s ready yet!

(Mrs. Cordell takes a drink)

John: Sure it is, Levi.  We’ve been working on this for months now.  It’s ready.  Now don’t worry about a thing.  It’ll be fine. (They return to the table)

Cila smiling flirtatiously: Mr. Levi, you want to join us?  (She grabs his arm)

Levi breaking away: No, No I think I’ll go back down to the basement. (Exits SR)

(Cila follows him out)

(Mrs. Cordell and Miss Bernita are drinking and getting  conversational )

Mrs. Cordell to Miss Bernita: So, you’re a singing instructor.  Are you good at it?

Miss Bernita feeling lightheaded: Senora Ernestine…Can I call you Ernestine?.  I’m very good at what I do.

Granny: She’s teaching me to sing about some feller named Louie.  It goes like dis’, (in a terrible voice) “Meet me in St. Louie, Louie. I think I’ll be at the fair…”

Miss Bernita: No, no.  , “Meet me at the fair.”

Granny: You and Louie?  Naw, naw, I don’t do that kinda stuff!

Miss Bernita: Ohhhh…(taking a big drink & turning back to Mrs. Cordell)  Do you enjoy the arts, Mrs. Cordell?

Rev. Cordell: (slightly angry) Yes, we love art!

(Mrs. Cordell & Miss Bernita are getting tipsy)

Mrs. Cordell: Oops, Nora, I think we ran out of your delicious lemonade.

John: I can take care of that, Mrs. Cordell.  (Shouting) Mr. Levi, can you bring out another pitcher of that delicious lemonade?

(Pastor is glaring at them while eating)

Conrad: Nora, I think you’ve outdone yourself with this meal!

Rev. Cordell: (munching) This really is some good ….Uh what did you call it?

Nora: Doughgay. 

(Renee making dog gesture with her hands in a “begging dog”position.)

Reggie: (clearly getting agitated, whispers) Quit it!

 (Miss Bernita is whispering something in Mrs. Cordell’s ear and she is giggling)

Rev. Cordell noticing his wife’s behavior: Ernestine!

Mrs. Cordell: (Obviously drunk)  Oh, don’t get your collar in bunch. (She reaches over

 and places her finger in his collar.)

Rev. Cordell: Ernestine!  (Picks up her glass and sniffs it.)   Mrs. Washingon! This is despicable!!  Disgusting!!  What kind of people are you!!!  (Rises)

Reggie: (Quickly rising)  Rev. Cordell, Mrs. Cordell, I have to apologize for my folks.  I..uh…Let me tell you the truth.  My Mother,… my Mother means well but sometimes she cooks these strange meals.  And this time, she just went overboard.  She cooked Hugo.

Rev. Cordell: Who, What is a Hugo?

Reggie: He was our dog!

Rev. Cordell: This woman fed me a Dog?

(Commotion)

Rev. Cordell: Ernestine, get your wrap!! This place is a mad house!!!

Rev.Cordell:agh….She fed me a dog!!

(The Cordells move toward the coffee table to get her wrap)

Nora: Reverend, I didn’t ….I don’t know how…uh.

Granny: Let him go!  I never liked Baptists anyway!

(Conrad trying to silence Granny)

John: Reverend, please!  It was a mistake.  I…

Rev.Cordell: You’re right That woman is the mistake!!!

John: Well, there’s no need to be insulting to my wife! Maybe you’d

better go.  (He helps Mrs. Cordell on with her wrap. The sticky letter sticks to the coat)

Mrs. Cordell: I’m not as think as you drunk I am.

(The Cordells exit SL, leaving a house of upset guests)

Scene IX

(Half way down center aisle--The Reverend notices that there’s a sticky letter adhering to the wrap. He reaches down, takes the letter, opens it and reads it.)

Rev.Cordell: (reading) “My Darling, I’ve always loved you.  I know I haven’t showed it in the past but I do care.  When I’m with you I hear bells and I see doves. Signed, Your Lovey-Dovey”  Lovey-Dovey!!!!    Now the husband is making passes at you!!!

Rev. Cordell: I’ll give him Lovey-Dovey!!!  (He turns, grabs his wife and marches back to the house SL)

(Rev.Cordell enters SL)

Rev.Cordell: (shouting) Where are you at, Mr. Lovey-Dovey man!

Granny: Oh, he’s back again.

(Enter  a perplexed Nettie and Maurice.)

(Mrs. Cordell sneaks back to the table and downs a drink of lemonade)

(The Pastor finds John at the dining table, grabs him and both are arguing and shoving)

(There’s screaming and shouting)

(Rev.Cordell, in throwing a punch at John, misses and hits Mrs. Cordell. She goes down)

(Granny sneaks a drink and starts singing, “Meet me in St.Louie, Louie, I’m somewhere at the fair…”)

(Miss Bernita reaches down to comfort Mrs. Cordell. The Reverend pushes her aside.  Miss Bernita pushes him.) (There’s shouting and screaming) (John comes over to the fracas and the three of them are wrestling on the floor)

(Enter Levi who is chased by Cila waving the Mason Jar with the cloth in it.)

Cila: (shouting) Voodoo! Voodoo!

(Enter Kenneth Braitwaithe, the IRS Agent.)

Braithwaite: (shouting) I’ve figured out what you’ve done to me, Mrs. Washington!

You’ve interfered with the United States Government!!!  I am a duly authorized agent of

the IRS!  (looking around) What is this!  This place a mad house!  I’m calling the police! (Exits SL)

(The Scene: Screams, people wrestling, Mrs. Cordell and Granny fighting over a lemonade glass, Reggie is crying, Renee is comforting her)

In the middle of the chaos the doorbell rings and Nettie opens the door. Enter SL Muggs, a gangster type with one hand in his left coat pocket and the other one holding a cupcake that’s he’s eating. He sees the melee and immediately pulls his gun.

Muggs: (shouts) What is dis’?  Knock it off!

(Everyone stops. They’re frightened.)

Muggs: (pacing through the room, waving his gun while inspecting the houseguests) My name is Muggs—Little Muggs to my friends.  I’m here to see Conrad Washington! Where is he?

(Conrad steps forward.)

Conrad: (obviously scared) Uh, Mr. Muggs, I…uh (turning to his wife)  Uh, dear this is Mr. Muggs, one of my, uh…customers.  (back to Muggs) What can I do for you Mr. Muggs?

Muggs: Dat’ car dat’ I brought to your junkyard dis’ morning to be destroyed, I had used it dis morning in a heist, uh…I mean a visit to my jewelers and I want it back. I think I accidently left something in the front seat. 

Conrad: Uh, Mr. Muggs I had my helper destroy that car this afternoon. 

Muggs: (enraged—grabs Conrad and puts the gun to his temple) You did what? There was a $20,000 diamond in that car!  I pushed it into a cupcake to hide it in case da cops stopped me!  Where is it?

Conrad: I gave it to Hugo.  I mean, I gave the cupcake to Hugo and he ate it.

Muggs: (throwing Conrad to the floor and inspecting the houseguests)  Ok, which of youse is dis’Hugo?  Come on! 

Nettie: Hugo is the family dog.

Rev. Cordell: (shouting) Which this crazy woman (pointing to Nora) killed, cooked and served it to us on a plate!

Muggs: (approaching Nora) So you cooked the family dog, huh?  (rubbing the gun against the side of her face) My kind of woman! So were is this…cooked dog?

Nora: …but I didn’t…

Muggs:  Yeah, yeah…where is it? 

(Nora points to the pot on the table. Muggs goes over to the pot, picks up a piece, sniffs it, takes a bite, throws it back and picks up the pot to leave. )

Muggs: Well, I’m taking Fido here, with me!  (he backs out toward the door).

Nora: Mister, you’re making a mistake..I

Muggs:  No, lady you made a mistake messing with what’s mine!

Renee: This is crazy!

Rev.Cordell: No, they’re both crazy! (pointing to Nora and John).  Shoot em!  No, gimme that gun. I’ll shoot em’.  (He makes a grab for the gun.—Theres’ screaming, shouting and wrestling for the gun.  The pot goes flying and there’s food all over the floor. The mobster is crawling around trying to pick up the pieces. )

Nettie: (Stepping to centerstage with hands brought up to her face) Lawd, they done all lost their minds!

(Blackout)  (small 1930’s musical interlude)

Scene X

(Lights up—Granny centerstage leaning on her cane)

Granny: Well, I guess I’ve got to tell you what happened next.  The police came last night and dey all got arrested. I was in the bathroom. (You know, my bladder ain’t what it use to be)  The police loaded them into the paddy wagon and do you know dat those folks was still fighting on the way to jail? (giggle)  You see how da Pastor hit his own wife?  Knocked out one of her front teeth!  Dey was gone to lock up John and Levi for moonshining but, uh all de evidence was gone. (She reaches back behind the sofa and brings out a glass of liquid). Well just about all de’ evidence! That mob guy?  It seems like he was wanted for something or other so they kept him. Well, the family is on they way home now.  They got out this mornin’. I think that ‘s them comin’ now. 

(Enter Cila, Levi, John, Conrad, Nettie, Maurice, Nora, Reggie, and  Maurice  They’re still arguing)

Granny:  (shouting)  Hey, hey, What’s wrong with yall?  (pause)  You, (referring to Cila whose standing next to Levi)   You running around like somebody dat’s lost her mind!

Chasing dat man with a mason jar!  You listen to dat Voodoo woman and you’ll be nuttier den a fruitcake!  Just tell him how you feel!  And you (referring to Levi), you listen to her!

Granny: …and Boy, (referring to John), I’ve watch you come up with one hairbrain idea after another!  Quit all dat nonsense and pay some attention to your wife!

(Renee quietly enters SR)

(Enter in a rush, an angry Pastor )  (Pastor faces audience and he is missing a front tooth)

Granny: …and you!  (Referring to the Pastor)  you should be ashamed of yourself—starting a ruckus!  You being a Pastor and all! 

Pastor: Me!!!  That… that man (pointing to John) tried to seduce my wife!!! 

John: What? 

Pastor: Yeah…Take a look at this!!!  (handing Granny a letter) 

Granny reading: “When I’m with you I see bells and I see doves?”

Renee: Uh oh….(Attempting to walk out)

Maurice to Renee: (Grabbing her by the arm) I told you that wasn’t going to work!

Granny to Renee and Maurice: What you two know about this? 

Renee: Well, I was helping Maurice write a love note, and…

Nettie: You wrote a love note to the Pastor’s wife!!!!

Renee: Noooo….He was writing it to you and I was helping him and I guess you must have picked it up by mistake.

Nettie to Maurice: (cooing) You wrote me a love note?

Pastor:… but what about the other letter she (referring to Nora) wrote to me?  …talkin’ about giving me a heavenly kiss!

Levi: uh…that’s our slogan for our latest batch, I  uh…wrote it down on….

Granny: Oh shutup!  (To John)  See what trouble that moonshine nonsense can cause?  (taking a swig from her glass)

Pastor making a disgusting face: “…but she fed us dog!!!!”

Granny: Fool, ain’t nobody fed you no dog!  I was in and out of that kitchen all day and I saw what Nora fixed up.  (To Renee)  Go get me that cookbook!

(Renee returns with cookbook)

(Granny opens it up to a page)

Granny: See here!  This is what she fixed for dinner!

Pastor reading: “Delicious dishes you can make from pork.  Try this one—Soonday. A tasty Korean Stuffed Sausage.”.

Granny: She fed you Korean Sausage!!!

Pastor: but you called it….

Nora: I know, I know… I just thought Doughgay sounded more exotic. (to Cila)Don’t you think so? (exit Nora and Cila talking with Levi trailing SR)

(Reggie and Renee look at each other in astonishment. Renee sheepishly exits SR)

(enter Pastor’s disheveled wife with obvious facial bruise )

Granny: Honey, you need to watch your liquor!

Pastor to wife: Come on, honey. I’ll take you home. (Exits SL)

(enter Michael as parents are exiting)

Michael: Mom, Papa, what happened? 

Pastor: I’m taking your mother home.  I’ll talk to you later.

Michael crossing over to Reggie: Are you alright?  I got a call from the Police station this morning.  I was wondering where everyone was at.

Reggie: Oh Michael, what are we going to do, now?

Maurice to Nettie: What are we going to do, now?

Granny: What do you…(staring at first Reggie and Michael and then at Maurice and Nettie’s belly)

Granny: Hmmm…I think I see both of your problems…hmmm…yeah, I see both of your problems, and I think I might have the answer to both of them. (She gestures for all four to come closer)

(Blackout)

(3 minute music interlude)

Scene XI

(lights up on Granny DR)

Granny: Well, I think I patched things up.  Hell, I even patched things up with that IRS man!  That wasn’t easy! But I promised him the Moonbright  recipe and he seemed to be ok with that.

(lights up center stage)

(Gathered together in this scene is  the Pastor and Mrs. Cordell, John and Nora Washington, Mr. Braitwaithe, Miss Bernita. There is lots of talking and excitement.)

(Scene is living room. Renee enters with big banner that she attaches on the wall that reads “Nettie and Maurice”).  It has a red heart at the bottom of it. Enter Nettie and Maurice and they stand before Pastor Cordell.  Renee again enters and puts up another banner under that one, that reads, “Cila and Levi”.  Cila and Levi enter and stand behind Nettie and Maurice.)

(Everyone is congratulating the couples and there are smiles all around as the Pastor opens his bible to begin the ceremony)

Pastor Cordell: We are gathered together to join these women and these men in….

(Enter Granny into the scene)

Granny: Wait, wait, wait.  Not yet! 

(Enter Renee again who attaches another banner that reads, Reggie and Michael, under the Cila and Levi banner.)

(Enter Reggie and Michael, who take their place behind Cila and Levi.)

 (There are gasps from all gathered guests.  Pastor slams his bible.)

John & Pastor together shout: NO!

John to Reggie: Sweetheart, you know we had plans for you to finish school in the east at your Aunt Emma’s.

Pastor to Michael: Son, what about Bible College and the ministry? Granny: Now you listen here.  These two young people love each other and they love you, their family.  They tried all kinds of ways to get yall to come together so that we could be one big happy family.  They did it because they loved you!   Now, it’s our turn to show them how much we love them. (To the fathers)  You got dreams for them.  Well, with a little help, they can still realize those dreams right here in Chicago!.  OK?

(The two fathers look at each other, smile, shake hands and pat each other on the backs. )

Pastor Cordell: We are gathered together to join these women and these men in….

(Grandpa Conrad stepping out of the scene and addressing the audience.) 

Grandpa: Well, I told you our family was a tad…uh screwy.  But, like I said, we love each other and…

(from offstage—there’s a sound of a dog barking._

Grandpa: …well, we even love Hugo.  Here boy…Hugo!  (exit SR)

The End.